How to Make a Relationship Work, Per the Experts While falling in love is a wonderful experience, what will happen to your happily ever after? Have you been shocked to learn that when you’re in love, nothing simply magically works out?
It’s imperative to ask as to what constitutes a successful connection if you want your relationship to last.
The first motivators (physical chemistry, amusing small chat, and shared interests) may not always be sufficient to ensure long-term success.
In other words, if you want your relationship to survive, it might need to get a bit deeper.
Contrary to what we are led to believe by stories and movies, true love is not something that just happens.
Both sides must put in the effort and keep up with maintenance. According to psychotherapist and authority on emotional wellness Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., LMFT, “Relationships that work are the ones that are worked on.”
Author and psychiatrist Dr. Abigail Brenner concur. When you choose to share your life with someone, you are starting a journey that will last for years, according to her.
So if you’re worried about whether your relationship with your SO will last, you’re in luck because we’ve compiled the six qualities that experts suggest both sides need to make a relationship last.
How to Make a Relationship Work, Per the Experts
- Effective Communication
Remember that communication is the most crucial aspect of your relationship.
You may not be communicating adequately no matter how frequently you speak. Quality communication is all about connecting with your significant other’s emotions and understanding how they’re feeling.
Making time to address topics that are important to you as a couple and individually is important so that you are not waiting for things to come up organically.
Of course, individuals must also feel comfortable expressing feelings clearly enough for you to relate.
You’ll never be mind readers, no matter how well you know each other, so make sure you’re relaying how you’re feeling when you’re not happy.
For example, if you’re irritated because your date is late for dinner, don’t waste the evening being passive-aggressive and hoping they’ll notice you’re upset.
Instead, have a mature dialogue about it and make sure you’re both hearing each other. “Listening carefully with complete concentration is crucial for true comprehension,” Brenner explains.
- Unconditional Honesty
Life is difficult, and one advantage of being part of a pair is that you do not have to face it alone.
“Having a partner you can trust puts a barrier between you and the world’s troubles,” Goldsmith explains.
For example, if you are struggling with an eating problem and feel humiliated, having someone you love and trust by your side might make your suffering easier.
Feeling supported by someone you can rely on may alleviate a lot of emotional stress.
You should also be open and honest with your relationship, no matter how uncomfortable the issue or scenario is.
Goldsmith reminds us that it is possible to be true without being harsh. So, if you believe you’ve been giving more financially than your partner, discussing it openly should be simpler because you both trust and respect one another.
Of course, the sentiment should be reciprocated.
- Separate (but Interconnected) Lives
To be content as a pair, you must first be content as an individual. When you have rewarding work, supportive friends, and fascinating hobbies, you will have a strong sense of self, which is essential when you’re in a relationship.
“This is critical,” Brenner says. “But above all, you’re still who you are as a person outside your different responsibilities in life,” she adds, referring to your relationship.
If you don’t have hobbies other than your spouse and your relationship, you’ll place too much pressure on them to make you happy.
- Spending Quality Time
Quality time may not be your love language, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t essential. The beauty of spending quality time together is that it is completely open to interpretation.
Whether you and your spouse feel closest when watching a black-and-white movie on the weekend or preparing your favorite food together on a weeknight, it’s critical that you maintain the connection.
Reminding each other of the reasons you’re together can only deepen your bond.
Great time apart is just as vital as quality time together. Brenner tells us that you should both set aside time for yourselves to do the things that are essential to you independently. This is related to retaining your personal identity as a pair.
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When you and your lover make each other smile, oxytocin, and other happiness-inducing chemicals are released in the brain, making you feel closer. “Playfulness keeps your love blooming,” Goldsmith explains. As if you needed a reason to have fun with your friends.
- Similar Life Goals
Your lover and you don’t have to share the same picture of a white picket fence, but your life objectives should be compatible.
If you’ve always wanted children, you shouldn’t have to give up being a parent because they don’t.
Similarly, if living on the same coast as your family is vital to you, but your spouse is desperate to move to the other side of the nation, they might not be the one.
“You both know what you want out of life, what your mutual objectives are, what you aspire to accomplish in life, and are strongly dedicated to achieving things together,” Brenner says of successful couples.
- Positive Dreams
Unpredictable circumstances might put a kink in your plans, so being positive throughout a less-than-ideal situation is critical. “Being optimistic may be the key to maintaining peace,” Goldsmith says.
While some individuals are inherently optimistic and upbeat, others must work hard to achieve happiness.
Being able to remain optimistic is vital for the long-term success of any relationship, regardless of personality type.
For example, if you are having difficulty getting pregnant and it is causing you mental distress, having a partner who can raise you up will enhance your relationship and your capacity to get through difficult situations in the future.
However, keep in mind that you should have reasonable expectations of your spouse, the relationship, and the future.
If you go too far beyond the sphere of possibilities, you will be disappointed. “Remember that you are dealing with another extremely complex person in addition to yourself.” “There’s much to work with without chasing unattainable goals,” Brenner explains.
