HomeLove IssuesMy husband has eventually forced me to be the man in our...

My husband has eventually forced me to be the man in our marriage


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My spouse uses the term “silent treatment” to describe how he handled a misunderstanding that arose in our first month of marriage. I tried to talk to him about it, but he would not budge, so that night he slept on the floor. I thought that by morning, he would feel better, and we would discuss and resolve our problems, but he refused to talk to me, and this went on for days.

During this time, he posted about our problems on Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, and TikTok. I was offended, so I tried to get him to talk to me, but he would not budge. Eventually, I got tired of being ignored, and we moved.

It turns out that the only way we address these issues is if I involve our counselors or other third parties. Since we got married, we have never settled disputes just between us. I always have to bring in someone else because that is the only way he would talk about his problems.

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Unfortunately, that was not the last of it. Whenever we had a fight, he would shut me out. He would sleep on the floor and withhold sex from me until the issue is resolved. This man has spent more days sleeping on the floor than he has in our bed.

I have been taught that women drag issues in marriages, but men don’t. My husband is the one with the box of grudges in this one. I have begged and cried with him to stop, but nothing has changed. He would rather vent to his friends about me than tell me what I did to hurt him. His behavior makes me feel like the man in the marriage.

I read some of his chats with his friends, and the things he tells them about me are just heartbreaking. If he is not talking to his friends, he is trolling me on his social media pages. Our counselors have advised him to stop but he keeps at it. The only way I could help myself was to unfollow him on all his handles. There are times I even have to block him on WhatsApp for the sake of my sanity.

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Another thing he does that makes me unhappy is his behavior toward money. When we first got married, I realized he tried to control my money. Everything that had to do with my money, he would spend it anywhere. He can even pay someone GHC5000 to do a poor job for us because I am the one paying for it.

He does not usually call, so I answered thinking there was an emergency. When he said, “Mavis, the gas is finished. Send me mobile money to buy some,” I became enraged. This is how my life has been since we got married; everything that does not directly affect him worries him. He has turned himself into a burden by not buying me anything; instead, he asks me for money and uses it to buy things.

I do not understand why he acts responsibly with his money but jumps at the chance to waste mine, even though his salary is not meager. The emotional torture of his silent treatment, the gaslighting, and his absolute refusal to take responsibility as a man has turned me into an angry woman. He would start complaining if there was any financial involved. “You know I do not have money so why am I paying for these things?” “I do not have enough money on me to spend, let us use yours.” He would continue complaining until I got tired of hearing it and paid for the items.

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He has made himself into someone who cannot be corrected. He doesn’t apologize when he is wrong. According to him, I am always at fault. Let it not be said of him that he has ever done anything wrong in his life. He would make a mistake and tell me, “It’s your fault. I wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for you.” So according to him, I am always the cause of our problems.

For the past eight months, we haven’t been living together. He says he has his reasons for moving away but I believe he has abandoned me. He visits weekly. When he is not with me we don’t talk. He wouldn’t call me or answer my calls. If he texts me, it is only to ask if I have food at home that he would eat when he gets home.

I am convinced that he no longer wants to be my husband. I know that this journey will be good or bad, but I regret getting married to him. I wish I had never met him. How can he act like we are just dating when he is asking for my hand in marriage? Will it be wrong for me to break up with him? I should also mention that I have read comments disparaging the woman whose husband claims she is easily irritated. I do not mean to defend her actions, but sometimes husbands put us through things that change our personalities. Therefore, let us be gracious in our judgments.

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