HomeLove IssuesThe small habit I ignored when I met my husband is becoming...

The small habit I ignored when I met my husband is becoming a major issue in our marriage


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I met my hubby seven years ago. He was part of my brother-in-law’s entourage for my sister’s baby’s naming ceremony. During the ceremony, I realized he was staring at me. He didn’t do it quietly. He seemed to be peering into my soul.

I tried to ignore his attention, but I felt it following me everywhere I went. And when I looked at him, he didn’t look away. After the ceremony, I overheard him asking my brother-in-law, “Where is your father-in-law?” I’d want to ask him a question concerning his other daughter.

I assumed it was a joke until this man approached my father and said, “Give me a date so that I may come and marry your daughter over there.” We were all laughing because we assumed he was joking, but he wasn’t. We became friends after that day, and eventually, we started dating. He was the type of man I liked.

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He was neat and always appeared to be clean. He did an excellent job. He was also compassionate and, most importantly, open with me. He revealed his smoking habits to me as a gesture of honesty. I was initially concerned and even told him to stop. But I understood he couldn’t stop himself.

I didn’t like that he smoked, but I liked that he had wonderful intentions for the future, and I had also fallen madly in love with him. There was nothing in his life that indicated he was a smoker. Even his parents and my relatives were unconcerned. This encouraged me to assume that it wasn’t a huge deal.

I hoped that by being patient and persistent, I could persuade him to give up. Besides, he never did it in front of me. So I was confident that he would change. Our love grew stronger over time, and he fulfilled his commitment to my father by marrying me.

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There was strong evidence that he continued smoking after we married. I could see it in his eyes all the time, but that was it. He did his job as a spouse to the letter. So I resolved not to be bothered by the fact that he smokes. We have two beautiful children now, and our marriage was unremarkable until two years ago.

His behavior over the last two years leads me to suspect that he is using something other than marijuana. Whatever this new item is, it has him completely hooked. My spouse is always high on it—every second, minute, and day. He is always napping. He falls asleep even when he is standing. And he’s always itching his nose.

We can’t have supper as a family if my spouse is sleeping at the table. He wouldn’t sleep when we went to bed. He’d merely pace around the room with his eyes closed till daybreak. It’s terrible when it comes to intimacy.

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It doesn’t feel like I’m sharing myself with another person. He does it robotically. He won’t finish till the evening if we start in the morning. And if we start in the evening, he will work until the morning. He’d be sleeping off it the entire time he was doing it. I would tap him to get him off of me, but he would not stop until he was through.

So I tap him and keep him awake the entire time we’re doing it till he’s finished. I have to use whatever means imaginable to get him to finish so that I may be free. We haven’t had any nice shuperu for over a year as a result of this.

I can’t recall the last time I talked to him for more than thirty minutes. When we’re conversing, he always nods off. It’s even tough for me to talk to him about how his habit is harming our marriage at this point. His thinking is mostly absent. I’ve prayed about it countless times, but I’m not sure what steps to take to make my prayers a reality. This has made my marriage quite unpleasant. Sadness overtakes me whenever I watch him in his element. He would have been the finest spouse even if it hadn’t been for this issue.

Should I inform him and my family about it? They are still unaware of his condition. I don’t want him to lose his respect because he is a highly regarded individual.

What should I do? What should I say to persuade him to change? If anyone has been in a similar circumstance, please tell me how you survived it. Assist a sister in restoring the joy in her marriage.

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