What will cause a Mother to hate her own child? We were married for four years before having a son. The four years before my wife became pregnant were difficult for us as a couple. My wife could weep herself to sleep at night because she had been married for four years without having a child. She developed an oversensitivity to everything around her. Two individuals would be laughing in a corner, and she would believe they were mocking her. My father would contact me, and she would want to know what he told me. Her coworker would give birth soon after a year of marriage, and she would be home crying, wondering why she hadn’t given birth.
She eventually became pregnant. The joy was limitless. The compliments were unending. In our house, the singing never stopped. She was overly happy, just as she was overly sensitive when she didn’t have her own child. As her spouse, all I could do was support her and participate in the joy that had arrived in our home.
Our baby was born early one morning in a local hospital. For the first time, our joy had a shape. We could reach out and touch it. Our contentment had a voice. It has the ability to smile and cry. He became our everything, even pushing me aside as a spouse. My position in the bed had been taken away from me. My place in her bosom has also been taken away from me. I couldn’t be bothered to complain. It was preferable to having a wife who cried herself to sleep at night.
We were happy for a long time, till our child was two years old. Many aspects of his behavior did not add up. He couldn’t talk or do some of the things that other kids his age could. He wouldn’t sleep and wouldn’t cry at night. He’ll just lie there staring at the ceiling, not moving. His eating habits deteriorated. He refuses to eat. You shove the food down his mouth, and he vomits. Our greatest concern arose when our youngster was unable to establish eye contact. He had an unorthodox point of view on things.
Doctors told us at the time that they suspected our child had autism, but nothing was confirmed until a battery of tests were performed. Doctors diagnosed him with autism when he was three years old. I’m a man, but I cried the day I went online to learn about autism and everything it implies. It wasn’t the present that frightened me. I’m frightened about the future. My wife started crying again at night. Our son slept in the middle of our bed, so we could see and hear him talking to himself and making strange noises all night. My wife was unable to sleep. I couldn’t sleep either.
She began looking back at all the places she had been with the child, trying to figure out where someone could have touched our child and given him the illness. She was convinced that it was the work of a wicked person. Someone who didn’t like the kind of bliss we’d been experiencing since our child’s birth. “Or is it from our town?” Do you recall going there for Christmas? Someone may have handed it to him when he was there.” “It’s not important right now,” I said. What is essential is how we will raise this child.”
My wife withdrew little at some time. She couldn’t care less what happened to him. He would be crying, while she would be nonchalant. I had to go and cater for him if I was around. Because to this habit, we had a lot of conflicts. “You can’t get away from this circumstance,” I informed her. Do you remember before you had a child? Why escape from him now that you have one?” “Childlessness is better than this,” she said. I’ve now become a laughingstock. They claim that when I wasn’t giving delivery, I went to a fetish priest for the child. It’s the reason I’m having a water god’s child.” “You can’t listen to what other people say,” I warned her. Lend that attention to the youngster, and let’s work together to help him flourish.”
We were introduced to parent groups that have autistic children. We attended meetings and learned a great deal. My wife eventually quit attending the meetings. “I’m already exhausted,” she admitted. This is something I can’t do for the rest of my life. There should be a day when I can relax. “I can’t go on living like this for the rest of my life.” “Well, what do we do?” I inquired. “I don’t know,” she answered. “Well let’s keep going till we figure something out,” I said.
She is currently completely absent from our child’s life. I’m the one who does everything—teaching, playing with him, feeding him, and so on. We don’t have enough money to hire a babysitter, so we go to the village and recruit volunteers. They stay for a few weeks and then leave. Our previous one lasted only two weeks. She informed us that her mother was unwell in the village and that she wished to visit her. She left and never returned. This child’s existence has stripped us of everything. People are afraid to associate with us because they believe we bring ill luck.
This is the time when my wife and I should fight, but she has withdrawn. Worse, we no longer live together as husband and wife. She sometimes blames our child’s plight on my genes. “Your blood is depleted. See how we endured before having this.” She refers to him as ‘this’ because she believes our son is not human enough.
Our son is five years old. We should have more children, but my wife had shut down her legs. “Don’t come and give me another problem child,” she said one night while I was attempting to convince her to sleep with me. “I don’t want to die young.” I married young. I wanted to have all of my children at a young age so that my wife and I could enjoy our lives while we were still young. I’m currently caught in a position where I can’t move ahead and can’t move backwards. For me, everything has come to a halt. I should be anywhere in life by now, but instead, I’m here spending everything on my child’s healthcare while the lady I call wife lives as if she’s not a part of us.
My mother visits the child on occasion. She’d be with him for weeks, and I’d go after him later. “Why do you bother bringing him back every now and then?” my wife asked one day. Allow your mother to keep him if she wants him. She has more experience and can better care for him than we can.” I merely gazed at her curled lips as she said it and walked away. She will do anything to avoid seeing that boy again. It may sound crazy, but when I’m not around, I worry that my wife will do something terrible to our child. So whenever I’m out, I’m always rushing to get home. I’ve lost everything in my social life since I have a son who needs my assistance every day.
I want to give up on the marriage and realize I’m in this alone, but being alone scares the hell out of me. I’ve spoken with her on a number of occasions. I’ve asked her about the future for both of us. I reported her to her parents, and they called her home on several occasions, but she always returned with the same attitude toward our kid.
It’s exhausting, and I wish there was a way to get through it or around it. I’ve talked to a number of folks and I’m at a loss on what to do next. All that’s left for me to do is find a place to rant, which is exactly what I’m doing here. Aside from that. I’m not sure why I’m telling you this story.
