HomeLove IssuesWhile we were still dating, he got married

While we were still dating, he got married


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People think Adam and I started dating when we got to the university. Maybe they could always see what we couldn’t. We are childhood friends. We’ve been as thick as thieves since we were in primary school. Changing times and seasons couldn’t separate us. We went through JHS, and high school with our friendship intact. Our bond even got stronger as we grew. My family knows him well. His people also know me. They’ve seen us running around and playing in the dirt. They’ve seen us go through puberty and its hormonal changes. Maybe at some point they expected us to blur the lines between friendship and love but it didn’t happen.

I believe that’s why they were sure we were dating when we started the university. But even then, we were still friends. We were very close though. I would go to him for advice about boys and he would also come to me when he was having girl problems.

I enjoyed talking to him. I also enjoyed his company. We were always in sync. However, I never saw us dating. That’s because he had a girlfriend and I too had a boyfriend. So we were still just friends.

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I don’t know how it happened or what caused the change but I noticed we got close in our final year. It was at this point that I started developing amorous feelings for him. I didn’t realize it until I found myself feeling jealous of his relationship. By then I was single so maybe I expected him to be single too.

After we left school, he also developed feelings for me. Unlike me, he was unable to contain his feelings, so I asked him, “What are we going to do? Let us date and see how things go.” He smiled and responded, “What else can we do? Let us see how things go.” I asked about his girlfriend because I knew they were still together, and he asked me to give him some time to end things.

I have known this person my entire life, so I felt comfortable approaching him for friendship. We dated for a while before moving apart because, in my opinion, “space and distance cannot destroy love.” Despite being in different time zones, we were determined to make our relationship work, so we used text messages to stay in touch and video calls to make up for our lack of in-person time. Although it was not ideal, we managed to make the best of it and I never saw myself in a long-distance relationship, but we managed to make it work.

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The first thing that changed was that he started calling me “dear.” I did not say anything because I did not want him to think I was overreacting, but I did not say anything when I noticed certain changes in him. They were subtle, but when you know someone as I know Adam, you would recognize their shadow in the dark. That is how I knew something was off. I always call him “babe” when we text, and he used to call me that as well.

When he brought up my sleeping schedule, I realized that something was wrong and apologized, saying, “Sorry, I did not notice. But now that you have mentioned it, I will work on it.” We fixed the problem, and I did make the necessary adjustments. The next thing I knew, he was complaining about my sleeping schedule, asking, “Why do you sleep early these days? You know you have to stay up late because of the time difference so we can talk.”

I was shocked to hear him announce, “I got married the other day.” He said it so casually you would think he was talking to me about a shoe he bought. I asked him a ton of questions, none of which were answered:

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“When did this happen?”

“Whom did you marry?”

“How come you married someone else? We have been apart for less than a year.”

If he married due to immigration issues, I understand, so I do not understand why he did not tell me.

Now, he doesn’t call me anymore. I feel so broken but I have decided to give him space. When he texts me, I give him straight answers. I don’t know how to move forward with this information. I want him to explain his actions to me so I know what is really going on. I cry myself to sleep every night yet he keeps telling me everything will make sense in the end. Can there be a reasonable explanation for his actions or he is just toying with me? I’m really confused. Should I stick around to find out what’s going on or I should just forget about him and move on?

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